


Tales From Firefly Farm

by StarOfTheCountyDown



Series: Tales From Firefly Farm [1]
Category: House of 1000 Corpses (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27816232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarOfTheCountyDown/pseuds/StarOfTheCountyDown
Summary: A fanfic based on House of 1,000 Corpses which picks up where that movie ended and assumes the sequels never happened.
Series: Tales From Firefly Farm [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035384
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Tales From Firefly Farm

Chapter One: Legal Goddamn Ramifications 

Frank n' Beans was a nasty-ass diner, and Lucy Anne Winter was sick of the goddamn place. 

She had lost count of how many times Kimberly had failed to clean up her section of the diner. Every fucking time, she left customers' trash and spilled drinks all over the damn place and went out for a smoke, leaving Lucy to clean everything up. 

And it was about to happen _again_. 

Lucy leaned on the broom, staring at Kimberly intently. The diner was closed and all the other employees were long gone. "Not that I expect anything less from you than this shit," she said, tapping her foot while Kimberly lit another cigarette. "But are you ever going to actually clean up after yourself?" 

Kimberly scoffed. "I've been here longer, bitch," she said as she let out a puff of smoke. "You sweep and scrub all this shit up. I'm not wasting my life here. I have better fucking things to do." 

Lucy rolled her eyes and watched Kimberly exit through the back door into the alley where they dumped garbage. "I swear I ought to beat you with this broom so hard your fucking uterus falls out your ass," she shook the broom at Kimberly, who just shot her a bird over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner. _Jesus fucking Christ, why can't she just keel over dead_ , she thought while dragging the dustpan behind her to the nearest booth. Almost as if on cue, Kimberly screamed at the top of her lungs in the alley. 

Not sure if she was rushing to help or to watch, Lucy dropped the broom and dustpan and ran out the door to find Kimberly struggling futilely against a relatively skinny man in a balaclava. Before she could react at all, she herself was grabbed from behind by someone else, and no amount of struggling made any headway against her assailant. 

Lucy saw a bag go over Kimberly's face before one covered her own. She felt herself being dragged into a vehicle and could hear Kimberly's continued screaming. She wondered why she herself wasn't screaming, although she realized she was panting pretty loudly. Their captors must have gotten tired of both noises, because soon enough blunt force hit Lucy in the back of the head and she slumped forward, limp. 

\--- 

The next thing Lucy knew, she was waking up in a strange room with its walls covered in unintelligible writings. Judging by the slanted ceiling, she guessed that the room was upstairs, probably in someone's attic. She could barely move, and she felt cloth gagging her even though she couldn't see it. 

_Fuck_. 

Next to her, Kimberly started to wake up. Lucy looked over to her and realized they were tied individually to the metal footboard of a bed. As Kimberly began realizing their situation, she started screaming all over again. Lucy wanted to tell her idiot coworker that screaming was pointless, nobody was going to help them, but the gag in her mouth turned any speech into a garbled mess. 

Despite Kimberly's wailing, Lucy could hear the pounding of footsteps rushing to the door of this room, somewhere behind them. 

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" a man yelled as he came around to face them. He was pale and skinny (Lucy guessed that he was the same person who had snatched Kimberly), and his eyes looked almost red behind some long, messy, almost-white hair. Another man followed, this one a hulking mass complete with a necklace made of animal teeth and a cap that looked like a bear's head. 

_... we're definitely fucked_ , Lucy thought, gulping but sitting up straighter. If she squinted, she realized the two men from Frank n' Beans. 

"Can we speed this up, Otis?" the bear man asked the albino, apparently named Otis. "I've got vehicles to tow." 

Otis rounded on his accomplice. "You got fucking vehicles to tow, Rufus?" he repeated, brandishing a switchblade. "You got more important shit to do than this? That's just too goddamn bad, then, isn't it? Because Baby won't be around for a bit." 

The bear man - Rufus - rolled his eyes, holding his hand out for Otis to hand him another knife. 

Lucy tried to talk, but the gag prevented her again. Otis laughed at her and waved the knife over her face. "You got something to say? You know what, since you're not fucking screaming like that one," - he jerked his head towards the whimpering Kimberly - "I think I'll let you speak." He moved to take the cloth out of her mouth, but paused, telling her; "But I swear if you start hollering, I will fucking slice your lips right off your fucking face and use them as sausages, got me?" 

Lucy nodded, and opened her mouth for Otis to pull the cloth down from her face. After gulping again, she looked back and forth between the two men. "I guess y'all aren't really named Sam and Benny, like you told us when you'd eat at the diner," was all she could say. 

Rufus and Otis looked at each other and laughed, glancing back at Lucy and Kimberly. Otis reached out and grabbed Lucy's face, squeezing her cheeks together hard with one hand and waving the knife near her eyes with the other. "Well look at this! We got ourselves a motherfucking Einstein-ette!" He jerked her face around to punctuate his emphasis. Refusing to be intimidated, Lucy glared and blew a defiant kiss in Otis' face, causing him to scoff and roughly let go of her cheeks. 

"Sam Grunion and Billy Linn," Otis smiled to himself as he walked away, standing by Rufus' side again. "Two great aliases of two great Groucho Marx characters. But then again, so are our real names, so hardly matters now," he shrugged, poking at some chipped wood in the wall with the point of his knife. 

"Huh. Clever," was all Lucy could say. 

The door behind them swung open again and a tall woman with long curly yellow hair came around in front of them. "Otis, why'd you start without me?" she demanded in a whiny voice, but Lucy could tell this girl wasn't purely petulant. _This must be Baby_ , she thought to herself. 

"You were a little busy with some guy balls-deep in your mouth!" Otis yelled back at her. 

Lucy lost track of their bickering. All she could do was stare, first at the two of them arguing while Rufus rolled his eyes and glanced at his watch, then at Kimberly, who was still gagged and crying. An idea began to form in Lucy's mind. 

"What's that one doing without a gag?" Baby asked pointing at Lucy. "Did she say anything funny?" 

Otis chuckled. "Well, that one's actually pretty smart," he said. "Least she didn't start begging or nothing like that shit. Let's see what the other one has to say," he reached out and removed Kimberly's gag. 

"Please don't hurt us!" was all Kimberly could say, tearfully pleading over and over in an almost unintelligible babble. Otis, Baby, and Rufus just laughed at her. Lucy was about fucking done. 

"Kimberly," she said, looking exasperatedly at her coworker. "Look around. We're definitely going to die here. Look at the slant of the ceiling and the view from that window; it's just fucking sky. Even assuming we screamed and screamed and _someone_ out there could hear us and figured out something was wrong, we'd be killed before they even made it to the house, much less up to this level of the house. Look at those two men; they came to the diner several days, and now it's obvious they were studying us to see if we would make good targets." She turned to look at Otis, right into his red eyes. "Looks like we turned out to be good targets after all." 

Otis leaned in close and sneered at Lucy. "Y'all might be the best yet," he hissed. 

Kimberly still couldn't quit crying. All she could say was, "But _why_?" 

Baby and Rufus looked at each other and burst out laughing again, while Otis leered at the trembling, mewling Kimberly. "Why what?' he mocked, joining his siblings in laughter. 

Very nearly trembling herself, Lucy took a deep breath before speaking. "I'm not sure what you planned for us, but I have an idea. An no, it doesn't involve letting us go, because I'm not a fucking idiot." 

Rufus and Otis started laughing again, but Baby looked angry. "Shut up!" she yelled at her brothers before smiling sinisterly at Lucy, kneeling down and getting right in her face. "I want to know what her plan is." 

Lucy smiled a smile to match the one on Baby's face and jerked her head towards Kimberly. "Let me kill her." 

Kimberly started panicking even more unintelligibly than before, and the two brothers clearly thought the whole situation was a fucking riot. Only Baby seemed to take Lucy's request seriously, her eyes lighting up with sadistic glee. When she heard her brothers continuing to laugh and make jokes, she spun around and screamed "Fuck you! Shut the fuck up! I think we should let her do it. I wanna see if she's serious." 

Otis rubbed his temples. "It's clearly a trick so she can run away, Baby!" 

"Trust me, it's not," Lucy told them, in a much more monotone voice than the situation probably called for. "I can't stand this bitch. She puts all the work off on the rest of us at Frank n' Beans, _especially_ me, and she thinks she's entitled to everything. I fucking despise her." 

"Why?" Otis sneered again. "She remind you too much of all your big-city bitch friends?" 

"I'm from rural South Carolina, you asshole," Lucy retorted. "I'm from the same stock as y'all." 

Otis leaned into Lucy's face yet again, this time very nearly pricking her chin with the knife. "Well then, let me ask you something: if you hate her so goddamn much, why haven't you already killed her before now?" 

Lucy leaned up to get closer to Otis, staring unblinkingly at him as she finally blew her top. "Legal goddamn ramifications, motherfucker!" she growled. "We can't all live in fancy-ass murder mansions out in the middle of nowhere! Some of us have to deal with a more public existence and the constant vigil of people who give a shit!" 

Taking advantage of Otis being momentarily stunned silent by her outburst, Lucy huffed and continued. "Look, if you don't trust me, then take some damn precautions. It's not like the two of us could win against the three of you if it came to a brawl anyway." 

"Works for me," Baby said, reaching down to untie Lucy. "Rufus, go block the door." 

Rufus obeyed, and Baby produced from the pockets of her shorts first a knife, which she presented to Lucy, then a gun, which she cocked and aimed at Lucy. "Well, get the fuck on with it!" 

Winking at her captors and kissing the knife blade, Lucy knelt down in front of a stone-silent Kimberly, who stared at her in pure terror. "Maybe this wouldn't be happening if you would ever clean the fuck up after yourself!" With that, Lucy raised her arms above her hair and brought the knife down into Kimberly's skull harder and faster than you could say _fucker_. 

It was too exhilarating to end there. Fueled by years of rage at this bitch, Lucy began stabbing Kimberly all over her body until she had more holes than a cheese grater. Turning back to look at Otis and Baby, who were both splattered with Kimberly's blood, Lucy licked the blade of the knife and then licked her lips. "Mm. Metallic," she said, grinning goofily at them. 

Baby, ecstatic, started jumping up and down. "Rufus, go get Mama and Tiny, quick!' 

Rufus obeyed, and Otis grew noticeably more frustrated. "Well that's all fucking fine, but what do we do with her now?" 

"You know," Lucy licked the knife again, treating it like a sharp ice cream cone. "I'd like to stay, actually. I mean, clearly I'm fine with killing, so what's the fucking harm?" 

"The fucking harm is when this all turns out to be some fancy-pants plan to bring the pigs down on our asses!" Otis yelled at Lucy, but Baby intervened, stomping her foot. 

"Shut up!" she yelled, slapping Otis hard on the shoulder. "I like her idea!" 

The door opened again, with Rufus bringing in tow an even larger man with substantial burn scars and a short blond woman in flowing clothes. Baby's face lit up as soon as she saw them. 

"Mama, this one just killed that other one all by herself!" she told her mother excitedly. Mama looked back and forth between Kimberly's body and Lucy, puzzled and joyous. 

"Why, I don't believe we've ever had that happen before, have we?" she looked at her children. 

Baby clung to Mama's arm in excitement, even though she was significantly taller than her mother. "Let's keep her, Mama, please?" she begged. "I always wanted a sister!" 

Mana brought her hands gently to Lucy's cheeks and regarded her lovingly. "Oh, why, of course!" she smiled, almost tearing up. "After all, whoever is willing is welcome! And it would be nice to have another daughter around here; you're right, Baby." she pinched Lucy's cheeks. "What's your name, honey?" 

"I don't fucking believe this," Otis murmured in the background. 

"Lucy Anne Winter." 

Mama winced before smiling again and hugging Lucy. "Oh, we'll think of a new name for you in time," she assured her. "My girl was originally named Vera-Ellen, but our Otis called her Angel Baby and it just stuck! He comes up with all our names." 

"Don't drag me into this fucking dumbass idea," Otis said, flipping up his middle finger and walking past everyone, out the door, down the stairs. The others watched him for a moment before shrugging off his outburst. 

"He'll come around," Mama assured her again before Baby took both of Lucy's hands and pulled her out the door. 

"Come on, you can sleep in my room tonight until we clean one out for you!" she yelped as both girls skipped down the stairs.


End file.
